From an early age, children begin learning societal norms around how girls and boys are supposed to present in the world. These norms are often reinforced in their play: toys, books, role playing, dress-up and clothing styles, and more. Talking to a child can be as simple as reminding them that people are all unique and encouraging them to be curious and kind towards others even if they like different things or look a different way. It’s never too early to talk about and demonstrate showing kindness, respect,and compassion towards people—those we know and people we don’t, as well as those who are like us and those who are different.

Ask others for their correct pronouns, and include your own pronouns when you introduce yourself to others. Using a person’s correct pronouns shows respect for their identity and personhood.

It is not always possible to tell—nor is it safe to assume—how someone identifies based on how they appear. A person’s gender identity is independent of their status as a cisgender or transgender person, and also not directly tied to their sexual orientation. In addition to frequently used pronouns like “he” and “she,” many nonbinary people prefer using the pronoun “they,” and YES, it is grammatically correct to use “they” when referring to one person. If you are unaware or uncertain, ASK! The ask in itself is an acknowledgement of your openness and willingness to learn about and respect people’s unique identities.

Practice using inclusive language that acknowledges and supports various gender identities, including those who are nonbinary. Instead of addressing a group of people as “ladies and gentlemen” or as “guys” refer to them as “guests,” “colleagues,” or “friends,” etc. so that no gender is assumed, and everyone feels included. Update language around gender roles and stereotypes so that, for example, a fireman is a firefighter, a mailman is a postal worker, and a waitress is a server or one of the waitstaff.

Microaggressions are harmful because they can dehumanize a trans person, reduce their identity to a few body parts, give them a perceived value based on how well they conform to cisgender (non-transgender) beauty standards, or tokenize them.

Some examples of microaggressions and backhanded compliments are:

● “Did you have the surgery yet?”
● “I never would have guessed you are trans. You look so good!”
● “You’re too pretty to have ever been a man.”
● “I could tell you are trans because of your voice (or size of your hands, or jawline…)”
● “If you were going to look like a tomboy, why didn’t you just stay a boy?”
● “Are you going to get some work done to look more real?”
● “Be thankful you don’t have periods. They are so annoying.”
● “How do you have sex?”
● “It’s so cool to have a trans friend.”